I thought I would take this time as I sit in my bed, being the insomniac that I am, to get a few things off of my chest. The past couple days have been a bit blah for me, but luckily I have this space of my own to vent without feeling like a burden to my roommates. That's one thing I hate. Not my roommates, but feeling like a burden. I'm that girl who always keeps all of her feelings to herself because I don't like others to feel that they need to help me through my problems or take them on as their own, I mean everyone has enough of their own problems, don't they? I'll explain my transition to college in a different post, but so far it hasn't been that easy and definitely not what I thought it would be, not to say it's been bad, because that's not the case. I just feel very disconnected from my class. I feel like there are so many people on my tiny campus who I don't know yet or didn't even know existed. And that's terrible. I've been feeling lonely, the couple of people I can call friends still not the perfect people I can connect with. And I know it's only October and I've only been here a month and some change, but do I sound crazy? I'm a ridiculously social person and have a plethora of friends at home, but here I'm still kind of feeling lost. Everyone else seems to have their "group" of friends, or a ton of friends from their sports teams. And that's great! But not for me. And that has left me wondering. Why has this transition been so tough on me and my mentality? How long will it take until I'm finally comfortable in a group of friends? It's times like this when I look into my faith to give me strength. I'm not crazy religious or a consistent church goer, however I find the words of the bible to be so healing, and give me strength. This one really spoke to me today:
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deut. 31:6
As it helps me to speak of this, I still sit here and wonder. And I've been continuously second guessing myself, which I hate. Do I belong here? Did I make the right decision? Is this not the right college for me and I'm just finding this out now?
I strive for the answer to be no, and I know it is. I'm just working on trying to find more to justify my decision. Every day I seek answers that display to me all the reasons that I've made the right decision. And don't get me wrong, I already have numerous reasons as to why I love it here! I think I'm just struggling so hard to reach a comfort zone.But I know I can get there. I'm determined. It would just be helpful to know I'm not the only one going through this. I need to know I'm not in it alone.I love college, I love my classes, and there are a lot of great people here. I'm ready for what's next, and for the many new great things that are surely to come.
XOXO, Kara
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